This wee blog will be short, but I hope impactful to someone who may need a nudge.
” The Lord Himself will fight for you, just be calm “
That was the scripture written inside of a card, left on my desk at work with penned sentiments of love and support. Taken out of Exodus 14… the scripture declares that if we just calm down and shut up God will fight on our behalf. I’m not good at that. Are you? I just cannot seem to let Jesus take the wheel. I’ll let Him sit in the passenger side and give me tips on short cuts (as if He would!) but I have the hardest time just shutting up and letting God take over.
I am also monumentally bad at telling my fellow brothers and sisters that I need help.
A lot of people suffer from this condition. If we didn’t Jesus wouldn’t have made a big deal about us getting together and confessing our weaknesses and praying for one another. ( which was interestingly enough, the topic of the sermon at church yesterday.. but I began writing this three weeks ago. )
I Think we suffer for differing reasons. Most are fear based. ” What if my life doesn’t appear perfect anymore?” “what if I’m judged by my weakness?” Some suffering is born of past hurt. ” What if I share and my trust is betrayed?” Maybe some shy away from help out of stubborn pride.
Pride, I think , is at the root of my knee jerk reaction to grin and lie about how I’m doing. I’m so sick of being ‘needy’. Can anyone else understand that? I long to be the beacon of hope someone looks to, not the fountain of tears someone needs to mop up after! But week after week I’m standing in the need of prayer and wishing I could hum a different tune… like Victory in Jesus! ( old hymn reference… I’m aging myself)
But then I come to work, and love… the real stuff ; The kind that doesn’t waste its time on pointless pity, or expend energy on judgement or opinion, was waiting for me.
Since I have been sick, prayer has continually been offered up for me. Little notes of encouragement are left on my desk, gifts that show the givers hearts toward me, and dinners lovingly prepared for my family are left in the staff fridge. I’m so crazy loved that it makes it hard for me to remember why I wrestle with transparency so much.
I am actively working on this. Even as I type. Asking for actual help and speaking up when I’m not at 100%
My first boxing coach and I came to a shakey understanding early on when I began to box. I promised to start to tell him when I’d had enough, and he promised not to stop coaching me or treat me with kid gloves. Maybe I need to make the same deal with my heart.
God continually shows me that He has placed wonderful hands all around me ready to catch me should I fall, now all I need to do is face my Goliath ( thanks for that message too Pastor Paul! [ #NewHopeAllianceChurch ] it was tailor made!) put away my fear, shuck off my false armour and let the rocks fly where they will.
You are the author of everything good in and around my life, and I full of thanksgiving for it all. Please bless my friends at work who just keep loving me and loving me…I feel it. That’s so huge! Bless them, and teach me. Amen. P.S… if there’s anyone else struggling with asking for help, or leaning on others, please give them the courage they need to let go. I love you Jesus!