Where’s the rewind Button? 

Have you ever seen the movie ” The curious case of Benjamin Button” ? I saw it a long time ago but rewatched it the other night for kicks; and as often happens , it sent my mind on a rabbit hole of an adventure.  The premise behind the movie is that Benjamin is born old and slowly becomes a child. His life is in reverse.  I actually know someone who in a different sense has lived the same experience. 

He never missed school as a kid, worked incredibly hard to become a champion in his sport at an early age giving up much of the fun and pointless endeavours kids his age would have been taking part in, put himself through school and quickly owned and operated his own business and then signed his life away to serve his country all before age 30, he’d lived the life of a middle aged adult in fast forward .  Now he is following his passion and acting goofy and having fun and it’s like watching the kid in him be born. It’s awesome. 

Thaniels life will also be curious.  His development right now is slowed down, as if his becoming is in slow motion. At three he is still very much my baby boy and I adore that I’m getting to savour and enjoy each milestone in an unhurried and focused way. 

However at some point things for my baby boy are going to change. Physically his body will begin to age faster than even my own. He will be ” old” before he is old.  From early age to middle age doctors note the formation of Alzheimer-like ‘plaques and tangles’ in many people with Down Syndrome. His bones and joints will age rapidly. Hair loss, vision issues, hearing trouble and even though it’s getting better and better every day, his expected life span is shorter than my own… by the time the movie was over and my brain had stopped spinning down this dark abyss of fear and the unknown I was an emotional mess. I felt panicked and wanted to call a halt to the whole process. “Just let him have what everyone else gets to have!” I wanted to scream at no one in particular. It wasn’t fair. Its wrong. It’s a rip off of epic proportions .  I didn’t scream.  Mostly because Thaney was sleeping beside me tucked into my arm, the tears streaming down my cheek were dropping onto his little head.  I had to breathe deep to quell the panic. And close my eyes against the stark picture I was painting and ask God for a real word I could cling to until the storm passed. 

Isaiah 45:9 came to mind. Typically I throw that verse around tongue in cheek ,when I want someone to stop bugging me about how many children I have, as the end of verse 10 says ” woe to one who says…woman what are you giving birth to?” But verse 9 says this

  “Does a clay pot dare argue with its maker, a pot that is like all the others? Does the clay ask the potter what he is doing? Does the pot complain that its maker has no skill?”  

This is my blond translation.  ” Don’t bug me Pammelah about the way I’ve made your son, are you saying I didn’t know what I was doing when I made him?” 

But I would never NEVER imply that God made a mistake in making Thaney all jacked up on chromosomes! ( would I??? )   Thaniel is perfect. 

Dear God,  

Please help me to number my days and Thaniels days, so I remember to use them wisely. Give me a heart of wisdom and fill it with joy. Please don’t let the realities of an unperfect world marr my view of your perfect sovereignty. Thank you for the opportunity to know him and to love him just as he is, just as I am. Thanks for having a sense of humour and making me the bundle of nonsense I am. 

I love you Jesus. Go ahead and make whatever you want, I’ll shut up about it.  Amen. 

Oh ps: Thank you for the men and women who serve our country. Bless them, keep them, bring them all home.  Amen again.

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